The Challenge of Finding Joy

Beach day arrived with great anticipation of sun, good friends, cool water and a hot bonfire. The day had been on the calendar for weeks - thanks to my event planning friend, and I was ready to enjoy the day to its fullest. Unfortunately, that is not how it played out.

Instead, we left later than I wanted - but not before I had developed a rather ugly attitude which grew nastier as we sat in traffic only to discover the parking lot was full and we would have to find parking on the street, miles away. Ok, so maybe we didn't actually park miles away, but in my irritated state it sure felt like it. And, we had to put lots of money in a ravenous parking meter just for the privilege of leaving our car on the side of the road. Of course we did not have enough coins with us to to satisfy it and I set an alarm to remind me at some point I needed to hike back to the car at least once or I would get a ticket.

We grabbed our towels and chairs and sunscreen and left our cooler in the car since not only did we not have a parking spot, we also did not have a firepit. We walked through the streets, through the parking lot (which was now accepting cars) and through the sand to find our friends. We set up our chairs and towels slightly away from everyone so we could make a large circle as we needed room for others who would join us later. And then, my daughter and I made a new hike through the sand, this time to the bathroom. While on the boardwalk, I called another daughter who was circling the beach trying to find parking. She of course had no money for a meter and did not know where she was. I told her I could meet her at the signal - since I was halfway there, and that I could get her change with the dollars I had. No, she could take care of it she said. So, I hiked back through the scorching sand to my chair. But, before I could sit down, my daughter called. Could I bring her quarters, she asked. Sigh, yes, I said, and back to the car I went. It took me longer this time, as I had to stop at two different shops to get $4 in change for my $5 bill to feed yet another hungry meter.
After an eternity of walking, I settled into my chair on the sand, only to hear that a grill was arriving and we needed our cooler from the car. Up I rose from my place of pseudo rest and peace and repeated the trek to the car and back again. We had now been at the beach for two hours and I had relaxed a whole five minutes. But this time, upon arriving back to our circle of friends, I found that the circle had grown quite large in my absence - and it grew completely away from me. Sitting in my chair meant sitting all alone - unless I wanted to pack up our towels, our chairs, our food and our boards and move them to join the others - and quite frankly, I didn't.

What had begun as a day that promised to be the highlight of my summer had become a dreary day of dull, repetitive tasks that left me tired and disconnected from the relaxing, playful and beautiful environment the beach had to offer. And as the sun set and the cold wind kicked up, we left. We were too cold to enjoy the evening – so instead we made the final hike to our car and drove home through traffic. 
As I reflected on this day - I couldn't help but think how much it was becoming a metaphor of my life. Each day seems to break with promises of new adventure and joy but is seemingly interrupted by repetive dull and meaningless tasks. Although I do not spend each day hiking to and from my car, I do get up, drive the kids, clean the kitchen, drive the kids, straighten the house, drive the kids, cook dinner, drive the kids...and the tasks, over time, lose their meaning. They all blur together and my life feels meaningless, flat, depleted of energy, and disconnected from the wonder around me.   I used to long for the lazy endless days of summer, but now I find that they are slipping by filled not with fun, refreshment and joy, but chores that need to be done. Flat, dry, boring, routines that leave precious little energy to create, to dream, to plan, to hope.

So today I am challenging myself to a new task, I am daring myself to find a way to accomplish my chores and still have time to create. Still have time to delight, to laugh, to live with joy, to still have the energy at the end of the day to pick up my chair and join my circle of friends before everything becomes a blur of meaningless routine. 

Hopefully, this is a task I can find the energy to do!