Failing Words

I think in pictures - and sometimes the image in my mind is so clear and powerful that I want to share it - tell others about the encouragement, comfort, and strength it gives to me, but as hard as I try, I cannot adequately translate the pictures I am seeing in my mind into mere words.  Words only seem to cause the images to fall flat.  They do not do justice to the beauty and power that plays in my head. 

Tonight, there is a beautiful scene occupying my mind.  It came into sharp focus as I was praying with our India Thailand Missions Team.  The image is full of light and shadows, darkness and revelation.  There is joy and dancing in the path of a bright shimmering light that is moving along the road of a city.  There are people all around.  Some are hiding in the black recesses, outside of edges of the light - watching, wondering, curious as the light travels the road - moving forward, always just a step ahead of those walking in its illumination.  And there are people walking in the light, following its leading, its clear direction.  They walk with confidence, not knowing where the light is going, but confident it has gone this way before, confident that it is their purpose to follow, confident that they are exactly where they need to be.

But there they are again - the flat, dull, lifeless words that refuse to capture the splendor in my thoughts.  The words that pale in comparison to the image I can see.  An image that tells me God knows - has always known what lies ahead.  That even though I do not see, do not know, and cannot comprehend what He is going to do - He does.  It is my response to move forward, to trust and to know, experientially know that he goes before me, with me, and that I do not walk alone.
I know I do not walk alone because in the image I see, I can see others.  Others who are waiting along the path.  Waiting for people to arrive that will bring them comfort, hope, encouragement and healing.  Several wait in the shadows, in the darkness, afraid of what the light will reveal.  But they are there.  Watching, pondering, questioning, hoping to somehow be pulled into the light. They long to be in the light - but do not know how.
Some walk with along the road with their eyes closed - or downcast.  So consumed by their position on the path, so consumed by what others might be doing, that they fail to see the beauty, the opportunity, the blessings around them.  Yet some walk with their eyes open to what God is revealing along the journey - mindful of the One who always moves slightly ahead.

Prayer is a powerful tool.  It is an invitation we have to step outside of ourselves and join with the Creator of our souls in His work, in His passions, in His ministry.  As He leads, I long to follow.  He goes before me, He goes before us.  Though I may not know the path - or recognize the journey, He is there, lighting the way I need to travel, encouraging me to move forward as He leads, keeping my heart and eyes open to all He has in store.  Even when words fail me - He never does.

Linking up with:

Color me

I like color. Color that is vibrant, deep, rich. I like how color affects and changes how we perceive things. I like how color elicits feelings and emotions. With imaging technology as close as our phone, we can take photos and transform them to convey stories that can provoke passion in people, trigger delightful- or painful memories for others and even cause some to spring to action. The way a photo contains – or does not contain color affects how we experience the photo, how we see it, what we think about it and how we feel about it.

Attitude is like color. It shades how we see things, people, and situations. It is how we choose to view the world. If one is looking at life through the lens of Eeyore, things will not just appear dark and dismal, but one will assume that the darkness and miserableness will overtake them and leave them to drown in a pool of despair. I work with such a person and I find their constant “Woe is me” attitude hard to handle. Everything out of her mouth is negative and depressing. I avoid her every chance I can – because being around her feels sad and powerless– always. And it doesn't make sense to me. She has raised 6 successful children, has 7 cute grandbabies, but even when she speaks of them, sour, bitter and adverse words spew from her mouth. But the saddest part of her dark color is, she can't even see the good when it is gift wrapped and handed to her.

“Oh, Susan, here, take a look at my youngest grandbaby! Isn’t he adorable? I would have had more pictures to show you but my daughter-in-law wouldn’t let me hold him, so I only have these three.”

“Susan, did I tell you my husband won a 7 day Caribbean cruise? Now, you know, I’ll have to take off time from work. And at the busiest time of the year too. I’m sure my principal will have a fit .  There is no way I will ever get caught up”

“Hey – I brought donuts for everyone. I hope you enjoy them. I can’t eat that stuff. I have problems with my blood sugar and my weight. I would just make myself sick.”

However, on the opposite side, if one has the eyes of Pollyanna – where everything is perfect, things will not just appear bright and sappy, but one will assume that beauty and joy will overtake everything, leaving them to swim in an ocean of Nirvana – and that everyone else should be floating right along with them.

“She had a miscarriage? Oh well, she’s young, she can have another.” 

“He got laid off? Well God’s just giving him time to be with his family.” 

“She has chronic pain and can’t get off the couch? Wow – how wonderful to have all of that free time to read books!”

I do not want to live life looking through lenses that are tinted with darkness – or overexposed to unrealistic brightness.  I cannot clearly see to act or respond to those around me if I view life through either extremes.  It is true that God wants us to live happy joyful lives

 "The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life" - John 10:10 NLT

And it is equally true that we live in a fallen world with real pain and real sorrow.

"I get nothing but trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain" - Psalm 73:14 NLT

But knowing the God who is in control, and knowing that He will be with us in all things.

"God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride ... The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold." - Psalm 46:1-3, 7 NASB

gives us the ‘right’ color of attitude to see the world – one that is vibrant, deep and rich!

Linking up with Jackie Sill today from Adventures in the Ordinary! 







- I just couldn't resist messing around with some photos for this blog...it really is fun! :)

Six Word Saturday Blog Post

Twenty-one days to retool the mundane

Yesterday I wrote a blog post - for the first time in a loooong time. For weeks now I have been feeling, well flat. Disinterested, bored with, well, everything. A friend reminded me earlier this week that I needed to write again - so out of respect for a promise I made to her, I wrote. And as I wrote, I realized that I no longer had a creative outlet in my life - no place where I could experiment and wonder and imagine, and I began to think perhaps there might, just might, be a connection! With homes and husbands and children come tasks and chores and obligations - all of which I am quite grateful for, but, if that is all I am doing...then life does tend to feel blurred, unimaginative, flat.
So, for the next 21 days (starting today) I am going to make it a priority to read, pray, write and create something- daily. I do not know what my creations will be.  Maybe a new recipe, or a new page in a long forgotten photo album, or maybe it will take the form of a poem or a blog post.  I truly do not know what it will look like but I am going to try.  And to help create space for this I am also going to fast from TV, and replace it with the sounds of silence, of the keyboard clacking, or perhaps some inspriring music but no TV, no constant chattering in the background, no fun stories to distract me, and see if I can't find some joy again.

The Challenge of Finding Joy

Beach day arrived with great anticipation of sun, good friends, cool water and a hot bonfire. The day had been on the calendar for weeks - thanks to my event planning friend, and I was ready to enjoy the day to its fullest. Unfortunately, that is not how it played out.

Instead, we left later than I wanted - but not before I had developed a rather ugly attitude which grew nastier as we sat in traffic only to discover the parking lot was full and we would have to find parking on the street, miles away. Ok, so maybe we didn't actually park miles away, but in my irritated state it sure felt like it. And, we had to put lots of money in a ravenous parking meter just for the privilege of leaving our car on the side of the road. Of course we did not have enough coins with us to to satisfy it and I set an alarm to remind me at some point I needed to hike back to the car at least once or I would get a ticket.

We grabbed our towels and chairs and sunscreen and left our cooler in the car since not only did we not have a parking spot, we also did not have a firepit. We walked through the streets, through the parking lot (which was now accepting cars) and through the sand to find our friends. We set up our chairs and towels slightly away from everyone so we could make a large circle as we needed room for others who would join us later. And then, my daughter and I made a new hike through the sand, this time to the bathroom. While on the boardwalk, I called another daughter who was circling the beach trying to find parking. She of course had no money for a meter and did not know where she was. I told her I could meet her at the signal - since I was halfway there, and that I could get her change with the dollars I had. No, she could take care of it she said. So, I hiked back through the scorching sand to my chair. But, before I could sit down, my daughter called. Could I bring her quarters, she asked. Sigh, yes, I said, and back to the car I went. It took me longer this time, as I had to stop at two different shops to get $4 in change for my $5 bill to feed yet another hungry meter.
After an eternity of walking, I settled into my chair on the sand, only to hear that a grill was arriving and we needed our cooler from the car. Up I rose from my place of pseudo rest and peace and repeated the trek to the car and back again. We had now been at the beach for two hours and I had relaxed a whole five minutes. But this time, upon arriving back to our circle of friends, I found that the circle had grown quite large in my absence - and it grew completely away from me. Sitting in my chair meant sitting all alone - unless I wanted to pack up our towels, our chairs, our food and our boards and move them to join the others - and quite frankly, I didn't.

What had begun as a day that promised to be the highlight of my summer had become a dreary day of dull, repetitive tasks that left me tired and disconnected from the relaxing, playful and beautiful environment the beach had to offer. And as the sun set and the cold wind kicked up, we left. We were too cold to enjoy the evening – so instead we made the final hike to our car and drove home through traffic. 
As I reflected on this day - I couldn't help but think how much it was becoming a metaphor of my life. Each day seems to break with promises of new adventure and joy but is seemingly interrupted by repetive dull and meaningless tasks. Although I do not spend each day hiking to and from my car, I do get up, drive the kids, clean the kitchen, drive the kids, straighten the house, drive the kids, cook dinner, drive the kids...and the tasks, over time, lose their meaning. They all blur together and my life feels meaningless, flat, depleted of energy, and disconnected from the wonder around me.   I used to long for the lazy endless days of summer, but now I find that they are slipping by filled not with fun, refreshment and joy, but chores that need to be done. Flat, dry, boring, routines that leave precious little energy to create, to dream, to plan, to hope.

So today I am challenging myself to a new task, I am daring myself to find a way to accomplish my chores and still have time to create. Still have time to delight, to laugh, to live with joy, to still have the energy at the end of the day to pick up my chair and join my circle of friends before everything becomes a blur of meaningless routine. 

Hopefully, this is a task I can find the energy to do!

X

X is for X-Ray

I am not a big fan of the dentist –for a number of reasons, but mostly because I am a wimp and I don’t like pain.  I have a great dentist, and he is very aware of how much I do not like pain because I remind him.  Often.  He really does go out of his way to minimize any pain I might encounter while sitting in his chair, and I greatly appreciate that.  Once, he even offered to buy me a bottle of wine if I felt even the slightest bit of discomfort.  The hygienists, however, are not always so kind.  Sometimes just the process of getting my teeth cleaned can be a very uncomfortable experience.  Mostly, it is the sound made while she is scraping my teeth that drives me crazy.  I am also not a big fan of the whole x-ray process. 

I don’t mind the large lead apron that they cover you with to absorb the excess radiation while leaving your brain exposed.  But it’s the way that the film is situated in my mouth that I find uncomfortable – and sometimes even painful.  The contraption that the film is placed on is shaped oddly and placed precariously in my mouth.  The hygienist then asks me to hold my mouth slightly closed, keeping the device precisely placed while she leaves the room to go have a cup of coffee.  While she is gone, the apparatus inevitably slips into a painful position that I am resigned to hold until she returns only to tell me we have to do it all over again because I moved.  Yep.  I am not a big fan of dental x-rays.

And yet, I subject myself to them faithfully.  I have my teeth cleaned every 6 months and a complete round of x-rays every year.  I do this because I want to have a healthy mouth.  I want to catch problems early so that they can be resolved simply and with the least invasive procedure possible, should a problem be found.  Sometimes, I can feel pain in my mouth and I know I am going to need to have work done.  Other times, I cannot see the problems at all – but having an X-ray will point it out.  X-rays are a helpful tool used in dentistry, and the medical field to see what is going on inside, beneath the surface. Even in travel and air safety x-rays are common.  In fact, just last month I found myself holding still, raising my arms and sucking in my stomach while an airport screener x-rayed me.  Yes, there is no getting around the importance of checking out what lies beneath.  And just as physical x-rays are a vital part of our good health, regular spiritual x-rays are important too.

Reading the Bible daily, studying, memorizing and meditating on scripture is a good habit.  It informs us and can shed light on areas in our life that we can work on or improve.  It helps us to understand and know God.  It reveals His character and helps us have a more intimate relationship with Him.  Prayer too draws us into a deeper, more personal and more meaningful connection.  But there is step in the process of intimacy with God that is a bit more difficult and sometimes ignored.  It is when we ask God to look into our minds, our hearts, our souls, and search the places that we cannot see, the areas where we may not be informed, and ask Him to show us where we need His power, and His cleansing work.   It is when we, in essence, ask Him to x-ray us. 

In Psalm 19:12-13 it says “Who can discern his errors?  Forgive my hidden faults.  Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.”  When I read those verses this morning, I was reminded of the necessity of having God find and root out the things in my life of which I may not be aware.  Psalm 139:34 requests it this way, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” And Psalm 51:6 puts it like this “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.”  We are called to ask God to search us, to look at our deepest places and deal with What He finds there.  And just like I am not a fan of dental x-rays, I am not huge fan of spiritual ones either.

Asking God to show me where I am failing, where I need to adjust an attitude, or change a habit, or be more loving towards someone I would rather avoid, is not an enjoyable process.  But, it needs to be done.  I need times, regular times, where I am still before God, quiet, patient, and willing to let Him do His work in me – all of me.  I need to be humble, fully surrendered, and ready to hear what He wants to show me.  Sometimes, it’s a good report, sometimes, I need to do something different - maybe even difficult, but either way, giving God permission and time to x-ray me is a vital and critical part of staying healthy and growing in my faith.

U is for Under the Covers

I love my blankets.  I love crawling into bed at night with three or four heavy wool blankets and my comforter surrounding me.  I like the feel of their weight.  They make me feel warm, relaxed, and ready to surrender to the night.  I like to snuggle and burrow myself deep down into the bed so I am practically invisible.  If I am cold at all during the night – I cannot sleep.  I will toss and turn but I will not sleep if there is the slightest hint of cold touching my body.  My husband – who will generally kick off even a sheet, does not share my passion for being covered in layers and layers of blankets.  He finds them constricting and he can’t move.  They tangle his feet and he wakes up unable to sleep under their suffocating weight.

That is the problem with blankets.  They can suffocate, and when we live our lives buried underneath them, covering up who we really are, we become entangled in a mess.  If you have read any of my earlier blog posts, you know that through college I did not always live up to the expectations of one who claims to be following Christ.  And while I was learning, there were lots of steps forward, but there were some huge steps backwards as well.  I remember one occasion sharing with a Christian woman some of my struggles – even naming some of the sins I had committed, and while she herself was very kind, she warned me that I should never talk about these things because people would judge me and gossip about me.  I respected this woman a great deal, so I took her words to heart.

Unfortunately, trying to live your life with a big chunk of it covered up, is not easy to do.  I wasn’t sure how to deal with the dirty laundry that I had accumulated – and, was continuing to accumulate.  And since I wasn’t supposed to share with anyone, I covered it up. I hid it under a blanket where no one could see.  I continued to live my life, attempting as best I could to live like Christ wanted me to, but on those occasions when I didn’t, I just shoved those things to the pile under the cover of my blanket.

On the outside, I looked good.  I looked righteous, I looked like the pristine example of a Christian, but on the inside, where I kept my dirty laundry hidden under layers of blankets – it was beginning to stink.  And the pile seemed to keep growing.  So, unable to take the suffocating weight of it all, I did what I had been advised not to do, I began to let people see the dirty laundry that I was hiding under the blankets.

And, in doing so, I was able to get the laundry clean.  Each person that I shared with helped me carry some of the dirty clothes to the foot of the cross where Christ cleaned them – and made me clean.  The confessions would cause me to feel better, stronger, and then, I would take my laundry, clean now, fold it all up in nice neat piles and put them right back under the blanket where they stayed hidden.  Never realizing that even though my laundry was now clean, and it was no longer a burden in my life, I was still covering up, still sharing only a slice of who I am – and in doing so, I was concealing the healing power of Christ in my life.  It is one thing to say, “I am a sinner, healed by Christ” and quite another to say, “Here is my journey, here is where Christ has cleansed me and this is how He continues to bring healing in my life.”

I am not there yet.  I have kicked off some of the covers and let a selected, hand-picked few in – but it’s scary.  “What if people gossip about me?  What if people say terrible things about me? What if I lose their respect?  What if they hate me and no longer want to associate with me?”  However, slowly, with the help of good friends and God’s prompting, I am learning to live without the blankets that cover up Christ’s amazing redemptive work in my life.  I am learning to walk in obedience and share what He has done.  I am learning to live without the blankets in my life – but not at night, I’m not giving up the blankets on my bed anytime soon!

R is for Redeemer

Many years ago, my sister challenged me to  come up with one key thought or idea that summed up my testimony.  A word or phrase that frames who God is in my life.  I realize that God is multifaceted - He is indescribable actually, and the challenge to think of one key characteristic of God that has been most prevalent in my life was not an exercise to put God in a box, but to help me synthesize my understanding of His work in my life.  At first, it was hard to find a word.  One thought, one idea to sum up a complicated, powerful, creative God seemed unthinkable.  But, then it came to me.  That word for me, the one word that sums up His most prevailing work in my life is Redeemer.   

Growing up in the church, I heard that word, Redeemer, a lot.  It always sounded like an old-fashioned word.  A word that had lost its significance over time.  I remember singing the song, "My Redeemer Lives," and as a child - and even as an adolescent, that word had little meaning for me.  It wasn't until my life had spun out of control and I found myself living a lie that I came to understand what it meant to need a Redeemer - someone who had the power and authority to restore my life .

When I was very young, I gave my heart to Christ.  I gave Him everything I had - and I followed Him, as best as I could, as faithfully as I could, until I was knee deep in college.  In college, I saw what the world had to offer, and I knew it was shallow, temporary and meaningless.  It wasn't the lure of the world from the world that broke my resolve.  It was the safety of my Christian community.  One by one my Christian friends began dabbling with the world's offerings and it made everything seem less wrong - less black and white.  Things that I should have viewed as black became grey - and grey didn't seem that wrong.  The lifestyle of a Christian became out of date, irrelevant, and I found myself with one foot in both worlds.  I was living in a manner, making choices and decisions about my life that didn't even come close to resembling what God desired for me. 

And I found myself in a world from which I could not escape.  I wanted to live like Christ calls us to live,  I wanted to be the person He created - but I could not do it.  There were not enough good deeds to be done, or enough money to give away, or time in my life to serve Him that could ever erase the sinful things I had done.  My shame overwhelmed me and I found myself spiraling into depression.  I thought about suicide, but my ideas of repentance, grace and redemption were so warped that I thought if I died I would be going to hell and that terrified me.  I thought that I had sinned beyond God's grace.  Because I was a Christian - I knew better than to make the choices I had made.  I knew what it would cost God to forgive me and yet I willfully chose to sin anyway.  Why would a just God ever want to forgive me?  I knew God had the power to forgive me - but I didn't believe He would want to.

Fortunately, God did not allow me to remain in that place of lies.  He brought people, and books, and most importantly the truth of His word - the Bible into my life and has helped me to experience His redemption.  Over time, He has helped me to see how much He loves me, how much He forgives me.  I know that I am redeemed.  I have been bought by the price of Christ's blood.  I am not the old Susan - I am a new creature in Christ.  I still sin - but it isn't sin that keeps me from being saved.  It is only Christ's blood on the cross that saves me.  My salvation has nothing to do with what I do or do not do.  It is based on God's love, His power to forgive through Christ's death.  I cannot do good to earn salvation anymore than I can do bad and lose it.  It is only Christ's redemptive act on the cross that redeems my life. 

One book in particular that meant a great deal to me is by Kay Arthur.  She writes in her book Our Covenant God "We think we can have God, Jesus Christ and eternal life...on our terms.  That we can interpret for ourselves what it means to be in covenant with God.  Our logic is dangerously skewed..."  She continues a few pages later with this statement "Either you come to God on His terms, or you don't come.  It is that simple.  It is that clear - and it really doesn't matter what man thinks about it."  When I read this book - it dawned on me that I was believing my own made up definition of God when I decided I had outsinned His grace. That belief was a lie designed to destroy me.  The truth is I am forgiven.  I am redeemed.  The Bible is Truth- not my warped, misguided, distorted interpretation of it.  The Truth is, He has Forgiven me.  The Truth is, He does love me and Truth is, He continues to redeem me everyday. 

He redeems

 restores  

atones for

liberates

releases

heals

and

redeems me -

by His choice, by His love, by His power. He is my Redeemer and I know He lives.

O is for Obstacles

When I was studying to be an elementary teacher, I had to take a class to learn how to teach PE effectively. One of the favorite lessons that we did with the students was when we set up an obstacle course. It was never excessively challenging – but it always had areas to jump, objects to climb, and places to overcome. The students would take turns going through and the object was to not just get the fastest time, but also to improve their time. Students were rewarded for getting better just as much as they were for being the best.

The obstacle courses always started out benign and would increase in difficulty as we encountered older students. A few students would rather sit down and not participate – but nonparticipation was never an option. Some students hesitated and wavered before starting, but gained confidence when they saw others make it through unscathed. Others performed their best when their friends cheered them on. But once finished, they were always able to go through a second or even a third time more quickly and with more confidence.

As much fun as it was for the students to go through a made up set of challenges and obstacles, when we must contend with them in our own life, it isn’t so pleasant. From time to time it can appear as if our lives are one big obstacle course. There is a continuous stream of something we must jump through, like an interview for a job or a promotion. There is constantly a wall we must climb, like getting fired, or the death or illness of someone we love. And it seems like there is always something we must overcome, like fear, or depression, or an illness of our own.

And just like the elementary students we hesitate and waver when those obstacles appear before us. We don’t want to go through the obstacles in our path. Sometimes we would rather sit down and stay right where we are – but nonparticipation is not an option. When we encounter others who have gone before us and see that they made it through, when we have our friends and family cheering us on, then we can make it. We might stumble, we might drop things, we may need help scaling the wall, but if we approach it in community with God’s help, we will finish. And when the obstacle race is over, we will be stronger, more confident and ready to face the next challenge.

For me, one of the biggest obstacles in my life has been fear. Whether real or imagined, fear has kept me from doing many things. But now that I believe that nonparticipation is not an option, I have begun to step out. The fears have not gone away - but I am no longer living as if they have power. It is scary out here - but I am still pushing forward. And in doing so, I have grown closer to my children, and my husband. I have discovered that I am stronger than I thought I was and I have friends who love me deeply and are cheering me on. Facing my obstacles and moving forward has improved my life. I still have fear - but it no longer has me.

When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. ~James 1:3, 4

J is for Jesus and the Jonas Brothers

Being the mother of three daughters did not adequately prepare me for the Jonas Brothers stage.  By the time my youngest was 13 she had been to 7 concerts, seen the movie - twice, and had wall papered her bedroom with posters of the boys.  There were pictures, t-shirts and fan pages made - Even I went to a concert with her (I thought I was a pretty 'cool' mom for going, until I saw the thousands of other moms there too).  And, I admit, they really did put on a good show.  They were entertaining and played well to the audience.  Although it was definitely a rehearsed stage show - they played as if it was just for us.  I haven't heard much of them as of late.  My daughters are older now, the posters have long come off the walls and their taste in music and activities have, thankfully, changed.

I remember when I was in college, I had some amazing seats to a Neil Diamond concert.  In-between boyfriends, I decided to take my mom.  I remember watching her nervously, uncertain how she would react to his concert.  And, like the Jonas Brothers, he too put on a spectacular concert and we were not disappointed.  But, as wonderful as both of those concerts were - and as talented as all of these artists are, there was one occurrence at both concerts that caused me to pause and wonder.

It was when the applause became worship. 

Neil Diamond was singing Sweet Caroline, and he really had the audience going with an extended chorus.  We were all singing and clapping along and the music dropped off and it was just our voices singing...and then the singing turned into applause and the applause did not stop.  I stopped.  My mom stopped.  It was eerie to me.  I do not mean to imply that the people around us were intentionally worshipping him - but the cheers, the applause the raised arms - it seemed so out of place to me.  And I wondered while it was all going on - Isn't this what I am supposed to give to Jesus?  Do I praise him with the same abandonment as these people were giving to Neil?  I wanted to shout out, "No - he is a man.  He sings beautiful love songs.  He didn't die on a cross - don't give this to him!"

It happened again at the Jonas Bothers' concert too.  In one of their songs, the three boys stood on pedestals that were raised high up to the sky - at least 40 feet.  The boys simply stood there, and the crowd went wild.  For what seemed like a small eternity, they stood, high in the sky, and all of the girls applauded, and screamed, and raised their arms and shouted their undying love for these boys. One of the moms that was with me just laughed.  "Isn't it cute?" she said.  I smiled - but I didn't think it was cute at all.  This intense praise and worship is for the King of Kings - what in the world was I teaching my daughter?  That mere talent deserves complete adoration?  That a temporary crush should exude more passion than we give to Jesus?

Now, before you all think I'm a little out there, I am not anti-concert or anti-entertainment.  I was just struck at both of these concerts with how much reckless abandon people were giving to mere men and wondering if we, if I do the that for Jesus.  When I sing praise to Jesus, am I surrendering all that I am?  Am I giving of myself with wild reckless abandon?  Am I pouring out applause with my hands raised high?  Am I praising my Jesus, the one who gave his life for me, who bled for me, any less than what is given at a rock concert? 

And let's be honest, worship is not limited to singing on Sundays.  Our very life is to be an ongoing testimony and an ongoing worship of Jesus.  Whatever I do it is to His praise.

So my hope for today as I reflect on "J" is that I would learn to worship my Jesus with the same reckless abandon as a teen aged girl at a Jonas Brothers concert!

B is for Boring

Boring. I lead a boring life. It is full of routine, predictability, and structure. I am boring. I am not traipsing across the globe, climbing mountains or living in India caring for the poor. I am a school teacher. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am boring. I get up. I go to work. I come home. I do laundry. I make dinner. I clean the kitchen. (OK – so I don’t clean the kitchen very often, but, you get the point). I am a boring person living a boring life doing boring things. And when I allow my brain to focus on the boring, dull life that I lead, I become depressed. I start to think that I am a waste of a life. I start to believe that I am a failure. I begin to judge my life as it compares to those that I deem are more interesting and I come up short. I come up dull. I come up worthless. And I become more discouraged. And as I dwell on what I do not have, what I do not do, what I do not possess, I become static – motionless, and the things that I once did, the boring, mundane, predictable chores of my life do not get done because they become pointless. And now, I am not only boring, I am depressed and useless and lying in bed with the covers over my eyes wishing my life away. A boring life is a destructive life.

And yet, this same life, viewed through bold eyes, becomes brilliant – dazzling – powerful.

I am a teacher – I am one who guides children and inspires them to reach for the heavens. I empower them to see there is more in life than Facebook and American Idol. I challenge them to look beyond the four walls of their existence and see the world around them as a source of adventure, a place for compassion and vision. Or, I focus on me and the career I thought I deserved and fill them with fear and self-doubt about their chances in this life. I tell them their work is not good enough and that they will amount to nothing. I am a teacher – I hold their life in my hands.

I am a wife. I have the power to strengthen and make secure the man I vowed to love. I have the opportunity every day to pour over him God’s love and His grace. I have the ability to create a place for him where he can shed the worries and concerns of his world so that he is empowered and inspired to brilliantly face the challenges of his job. He can go out and confidently conquer the stresses and strains of the chaos of his world, knowing he has a place of refuge and safety in our home. Or, I focus on what I do not have and create a home of tension and conflict focused on me and what I think I deserve. I can whine and complain and nag and sulk until I break his resolve and strip him of everything good in his heart. I am a wife – I hold my husband's life in my hands.

I am a mother. I pour out knowledge and wisdom and love into minds that are shaping and growing and learning. I pour into them confidence, self-respect, self-control, compassion for others, and a love for God that consumes their thoughts and guides their choices. Or I focus on what I did not accomplish and what I did not get and I teach them that they disappoint, mess up, and are worth less than me – less than anyone. I am a mother – I hold my children’s life in my hands.

Boring – only makes it about me. Boring – only brings depression and doubt and destruction. But when I make my brain wrap around others, when I bind myself to caring for others– my life becomes challenging, exciting, and thrilling. Boring keeps my brain dull and my life a mess. Focusing on how I can serve others, keeps me alive and renewed. It gives me a satisfying sense of self-worth and confidence. It makes routines become the framework from which I lay a strong foundation of security and stability. It makes predictability become a sense of permanence from which people know they can count on me to be there – to be their stable force in a chaotic and out of control world. And the structure of my life becomes the outline that gives shape to other's lives.

I may never feed the homeless in India – but I may strengthen the one who does. And that is not boring.