The Woman Who is New

She drives up to the large home she has never been to before and checks the address. Yes, she is at the right place. The Woman Who is New checks the time. She wonders if she is too early or too late. She wonders if she brought the right food to share with the new friends she has yet to meet. She checks her make-up. She checks the food. She checks the time, again. She gets out of the car and moves up the walkway feigning confidence. She observes the well-manicured garden and the imposing double doors. She knocks, but the music is too loud and no one hears her. She peers into the home through the great leaded glass windows and she sees the People Who Belong dancing.

The Woman Who is New takes a deep breath and opens the door. She walks in the room and glances around. Each room is filled with People Who Belong. People laughing, giggling, talking and dancing. The People Who Belong do not even notice as she walks in. They are having fun and she longs to join in – but she is a stranger to them. The Woman Who Belongs sees The Woman Who is New and smiles. The Woman Who is New smiles back at the Woman Who Belongs as warmly and genuinely as she can, but she is nervous. “What if I don’t fit in?” thinks the Woman Who is New. “What if they don’t like me?”

The Woman Who Belongs takes her by the arm and asks her name. The Woman Who is New takes a depth breath to calm her nerves and gives the obligatory answers to the usual questions as cheerfully as she can. The Woman Who Belongs introduces her to many others in the room. There are so many People Who Belong – so many who already know each other. So many who are already gathered in chairs who are already deep in conversation, who are already sitting at tables playing games that have already started, who are already dancing and the Woman Who is New imagines how already complete their lives must be and wonders if their lives are already too full to fit her in.

The Woman Who is New sits to the side, smiles, and pretends to enjoy the party. The Woman Who is New sees the People Who Belong laughing and hugging so happy to see each other. The People Who Belong are so comfortable together, so engaged with each other And The Woman Who is New concludes that they have been friends forever. The Woman Who is New begins to long for her old friends the ones who had been with her forever. The ones who knew her, loved her – but they are not here. Tonight she is not the Woman with Old Friends. Tonight, she is not the Woman Who Belongs. Tonight, she is the Woman Who is New.

But tonight she no longer wants to be the Woman Who is New. Determined, she stands up and introduces herself to the People Who are Laughing. She makes small talk and asks questions. “How do you know our hostess? What do you do? Do you live near here? How many children do you have?” And she smiles. A lot. And she walks over to the People Who are Playing Games. She asks them questions. And she smiles. A lot. Out of the corner of her eye she spies the Woman Who Belongs, enjoying her guests, her friends, and her family. And the Woman Who is New wonders where her sister who lives far away is on this night. And the Woman Who is New misses her sister who lives far away. How nice it would be to have someone here who knew her – really knew her. Someone who knew her wouldn’t need her to make small talk. Someone who knew her wouldn't need to be impressed. And The Woman Who is New begins to feel tired and sad and she looks for the chair on the side so she can sit. She searches for a place where she can fade into the wall paper and not be seen. But then she remembers she does not want to be the Woman Who is New anymore.

Taking a deep breath and pushing herself, the Woman Who is New walks over to the People Who are Eating and she asks them questions. And she smiles. A lot. The time arrives for the Woman Who is New to say goodbye to the Woman Who Belongs. The Woman Who Belongs hugs her warmly and asks her to come again. The Woman Who is New secretly hopes she is not just being polite and truly means it.

And the Woman Who Belongs really does mean it and really does invite her back again, and again. And every time it becomes easier for the Woman Who is New to walk up the walkway and easier for her to open the door and easier for her to smile at the People who Belong. Until one day, The Woman Who is New drove away from the home as the Woman Who has New Friends.