R is for Redeemer

Many years ago, my sister challenged me to  come up with one key thought or idea that summed up my testimony.  A word or phrase that frames who God is in my life.  I realize that God is multifaceted - He is indescribable actually, and the challenge to think of one key characteristic of God that has been most prevalent in my life was not an exercise to put God in a box, but to help me synthesize my understanding of His work in my life.  At first, it was hard to find a word.  One thought, one idea to sum up a complicated, powerful, creative God seemed unthinkable.  But, then it came to me.  That word for me, the one word that sums up His most prevailing work in my life is Redeemer.   

Growing up in the church, I heard that word, Redeemer, a lot.  It always sounded like an old-fashioned word.  A word that had lost its significance over time.  I remember singing the song, "My Redeemer Lives," and as a child - and even as an adolescent, that word had little meaning for me.  It wasn't until my life had spun out of control and I found myself living a lie that I came to understand what it meant to need a Redeemer - someone who had the power and authority to restore my life .

When I was very young, I gave my heart to Christ.  I gave Him everything I had - and I followed Him, as best as I could, as faithfully as I could, until I was knee deep in college.  In college, I saw what the world had to offer, and I knew it was shallow, temporary and meaningless.  It wasn't the lure of the world from the world that broke my resolve.  It was the safety of my Christian community.  One by one my Christian friends began dabbling with the world's offerings and it made everything seem less wrong - less black and white.  Things that I should have viewed as black became grey - and grey didn't seem that wrong.  The lifestyle of a Christian became out of date, irrelevant, and I found myself with one foot in both worlds.  I was living in a manner, making choices and decisions about my life that didn't even come close to resembling what God desired for me. 

And I found myself in a world from which I could not escape.  I wanted to live like Christ calls us to live,  I wanted to be the person He created - but I could not do it.  There were not enough good deeds to be done, or enough money to give away, or time in my life to serve Him that could ever erase the sinful things I had done.  My shame overwhelmed me and I found myself spiraling into depression.  I thought about suicide, but my ideas of repentance, grace and redemption were so warped that I thought if I died I would be going to hell and that terrified me.  I thought that I had sinned beyond God's grace.  Because I was a Christian - I knew better than to make the choices I had made.  I knew what it would cost God to forgive me and yet I willfully chose to sin anyway.  Why would a just God ever want to forgive me?  I knew God had the power to forgive me - but I didn't believe He would want to.

Fortunately, God did not allow me to remain in that place of lies.  He brought people, and books, and most importantly the truth of His word - the Bible into my life and has helped me to experience His redemption.  Over time, He has helped me to see how much He loves me, how much He forgives me.  I know that I am redeemed.  I have been bought by the price of Christ's blood.  I am not the old Susan - I am a new creature in Christ.  I still sin - but it isn't sin that keeps me from being saved.  It is only Christ's blood on the cross that saves me.  My salvation has nothing to do with what I do or do not do.  It is based on God's love, His power to forgive through Christ's death.  I cannot do good to earn salvation anymore than I can do bad and lose it.  It is only Christ's redemptive act on the cross that redeems my life. 

One book in particular that meant a great deal to me is by Kay Arthur.  She writes in her book Our Covenant God "We think we can have God, Jesus Christ and eternal life...on our terms.  That we can interpret for ourselves what it means to be in covenant with God.  Our logic is dangerously skewed..."  She continues a few pages later with this statement "Either you come to God on His terms, or you don't come.  It is that simple.  It is that clear - and it really doesn't matter what man thinks about it."  When I read this book - it dawned on me that I was believing my own made up definition of God when I decided I had outsinned His grace. That belief was a lie designed to destroy me.  The truth is I am forgiven.  I am redeemed.  The Bible is Truth- not my warped, misguided, distorted interpretation of it.  The Truth is, He has Forgiven me.  The Truth is, He does love me and Truth is, He continues to redeem me everyday. 

He redeems

 restores  

atones for

liberates

releases

heals

and

redeems me -

by His choice, by His love, by His power. He is my Redeemer and I know He lives.