Y is for Yakity Yak

I love to talk.  And talk.  And talk.  I enjoy conversation.  Well, I enjoy it when people are listening to me converse.  Talking, it comes quite naturally to me.  Listening…not so much.  Listening is something that I have had to work on.  And work.  And work.  Listening is not just about being silent while someone else speaks.  Listening involves thinking and asking and responding to what you are hearing.  Listening is an active undertaking – it is not passive.  I am much better at listening than I used to be.  I am better at asking questions, I am better at filtering out negative emotions in heated discussions to hear what is really being said – but I am not perfect at it by any means.  I have tons of room to improve. But sometimes when things are difficult to do, we are aware of our shortcomings and we make a conscious effort to change and grow.  And sometimes, when things are easy, we do not think about it – we just do it.  Talking for me has always been effortless.  I can easily fill up space with words.  And as a result – I haven't always given it much attention.  In the past, I rarely thought much of how carelessly I used words.  How inconsiderate and reckless I could be with what would jump out of my mouth. Over the years, God has been helping me with it.  He has been - and continues to be patiently teaching me to stop with the yakity yak.

The first step was when I began to focus on listening - to myself.  As I began to hear the words - really hear what was coming out of my mouth, I discovered I was spending a great deal of time with meaningless chatter.  Not that it is wrong to have light, pleasant conversations, but it is wrong to monopolize a conversation, especially if what you are saying is fairly pointless.  I also learned that I gossip.  And no, I really didn't realize it before.  Idle words, thoughtless words, words disguised as prayer requests - too many of my words were not about lifting someone up.  They were not about carefully drawing them into the presence of the LORD, but they were about disseminating unflattering information that I did not need to disseminate.

The second step to help me with my yakity yakking, was to learn to think before I spoke (yes, I know, that's not a novel idea to most people). As I started considering my words I realized that I was running to people first with my concerns and my worries, my disappointments and my hurts - not to God.  I remember a few years ago when a very close friend and I had a significant disagreement.  I remember while we were discussing our conflict she said to me, "And I already talked to several other people about this and they agree with me."  My first impulse was to get off the phone with her, and call as many of the 'several other people' I could think of and defend my name.  But instead, I turned to God.  I prayed, I read scripture, I journaled.  I prayed some more.  And overtime, our friendship was not only repaired, but God brought healing to both of our lives in a very profound way through the restoration of our friendship.  Had I instead chosen to yakity yak with my friends, under the guise of defending myself, I do not think the outcome would be the same.  People's impressions of her - and me, would have been tainted if I had ran to my own defense.

And now - I'm working on another step - not that I have fully mastered the first two yet.  But currently I am also realizing just how powerful words really are.   I am trying to not treat words with casual indifference.  I have been known to speak quickly without filtering, without considering the full ramifications of what I was saying, or rather, what someone else might be hearing.  When that occurs, I hurt people’s feelings.  I cause them to doubt themselves, and to doubt me.  I am trying to become more aware of choosing words that mean something rather than saying sounds to simply fill up empty space.  I am trying to learn to be cautious with the words that come out of my mouth.  But, I still have a long ways to go.  I still quite regularly let words fall out of my mouth that hurt and do not need to be said.  Just ask my daughters - they'll be happy to testify to that!